Going into this event, I felt somewhat out of sorts. I didn't get any practice on any ranges other than my own, and the miserable weather limited my time behind the bow. I also figured I needed time away from the bow to clear my head. I've been battling many demons behind the bow and in my personal life, and these things have made it extremely difficult to concentrate. I went into the event with no expectations.
Practice Day
When we got to the venue, all the guys decided to shoot the field round. I didn't want to do that, so I hung out and chatted with Darrin Christenberry and Tim Gillingham for a while. After discussing many things, including Tim telling me to try squeezing the trigger rather than shooting it with back tension, I headed to the practice bags. When I began shooting, I experimented with some of the things we talked about, and it felt pretty good. I'll have to dig deeper into the method when I have more time to experiment. Tim had good points, and I appreciated his insight on it.
When I finished shooting at the practice bags, I headed to the defense range to shoot with Darrin and Loren Lohr. I didn't really feel like shooting, and the other end of those feeling displayed what was going on in my head. I walked off the range feeling a little defeated, but I didn't put too much thought into it. I spent the next few hours waiting for the guys to finish shooting the field round, and the heat was almost unbearable. Finally, when they finished in mid-afternoon, they wanted to shoot some 3D targets, so I headed back onto the practice range with them. This time, I felt a little better and shot well.
Day 1
Arriving at target 18 to start my day, I saw a bedded buck at the end of the lane. The target had its back to us and was set at a slight angle. It was a bomb, too. Larry Kade's courses are very predictable. He always has targets facing the opposite direction; he puts big targets closer than they are usually seen; he uses the middle numbers a lot; nine out of 10 times the alligator is always between 45-50 yards; there are a lot of uphill shots; grazing does are almost always 45-50 yards. With the predicatability as it is, it makes shooting the bow of utmost importance because you basically know what you're going to get. Unfortunately, at this tournament, I just let my mind wander and didn't pay attention to all of the things that are regular occurrences.
My day started off on a bad note when I pegged the number but hit to the right of the 10-ring. As I made my way through the day, I had no interest in being there. We also had a discussion at my third target of the day when we were asked questions about what we could do to get more attendees at the tournaments. The idea of shootdown rounds was also brought up in conversation. Digger, Darrin and I offered our opinions, and the opinions weren't exactly welcomed. Instead, it appeared our ideas were not listened to at all, especially with the concerns considering the shootdown rounds. There isn't much way to make a comeback in an IBO shootdown round due to the targets chosen and the distances they are placed. It's already hard to 11 a 48-yard impala, but it's even more difficult to inside out one of the smallest rings. Then, I'm not sure you can inside-out a turkey with a big arrow. If targets were set at a variety of closer yardages mixed in with a few long ones, it will make the rounds more exciting with the possibility of shooters changing back and forth from arrow to arrow. It's a moot point, but that's what we talked about for a little bit.
At the end of the day, I walked off the course with my tail tucked between my legs. My inability to concentrate and focus led me astray. At day's end, I found myself in last place. The bottom is a lonely place, and a place that isn't nice when you're not used to being there. I definitely earned my placing. When the stone started rolling downhill, I couldn't stop it like I had in many previous attempts. I was thoroughly embarrassed as I headed to the car. Archery has come to the point this year that it simply isn't fun anymore. However, I'll finish my season with the next two events and see what happens.
Day 2
Going into Day 2, I had no idea what to expect, other than I knew it would be difficult to match the previous day's performance. I went into it with one thing in mind: show myself what I am capable of doing on a regular basis.
When I got to my stake, I greeted Jackie Caudle and Ted Richards. They asked me what I was doing on that stake with them. I told them that I had a rough day, like them, and we would have to see if we could all do better the second day.
My day started off well and continued that way for the first 10 targets. I shot relaxed, powerful shots and felt great about every shot. Shots flowed more smoothly than they have the entire year, and it brought me to a place I hadn't been in a long time. I felt like I could stand on my head and stay above par. Although I misjudged a few targets and hit both of them high, they were both good shots and landed above the 10. Near the end of my round, I could see a hole at the bottom of the 10-ring on the turkey, so I held my pin on it and hoped it would hit just above it. After executing a perfect shot, the arrow pierced the hole, and I thought I had the 10. However, the bottom of the 10-line was shot out, making it difficult to tell if the arrow was in or out. We ended up calling it out, but I believe it could've gone either way since there was no line.
I ended my day by shooting perfect shots on an alert deer and a long, downhill antelope, hitting the antelope barely to the right of the 11. I had made my comeback and felt like I belonged. This year has been a nightmare at times, and at other times, I feel like Superman. Unfortunately, I have yet to have two good days in a row this year. I think it's still in there, and I'll keep fighting until I can't fight anymore.
After tallying up the scores, I felt a small sense of relief to learn I had shot one of the highest scores of the day in my class. Going from the bottom to the top in a day confirmed what I had already known: I can still compete at the highest level when things are going well. I finished the day a 3 up for a 203.
My Final Thoughts on the Weekend
I haven't shared too much with any of you about the things I've faced this year, but it has been a rough go. I haven't had a day this year when my mind has felt calm, centered and focused solely on archery. There seems to be all sorts of thoughts running through it that can lead to disaster if not harnessed. However, I feel like I'm always doing a good job keeping the dirty devil where he belongs... hidden.
Between dealing with my own health issues, as well as my family members' health issues, this year has been an all-out struggle to stay above water and tread it while trying not to drown. I've had water sloshing around in my lungs for a long time now, and I almost swallowed the air with it last weekend. I didn't even fight to keep from being pulled under. Instead, I gave in and let the demons of the depth pull me into the darkness. Once I arrived there and looked them in the face, I didn't like it. They overtook me and stuck pitchforks in my belly and needles in my eyes. I had succumbed to their power and felt helpless. I was lost, searching for my own soul and not knowing if I really wanted to do this anymore. I do it because it's fun, and it simply hasn't been fun lately. There are things going on in my life that are hard to deal with while also performing at a top level. Although I've shared a few things, I won't get into the depth of anything else. I'm doing the best I can, and trying as hard as I can, maybe too hard at times. I'd also like to apologize to anyone who was around me when I was overwhelmed on Saturday afternoon when we were eating after the round. Over the years, I've had a way of withstanding all the blows given to me. I will find the path and walk through the walls to a better place. I appreciate all of your support, whether it be by text, phone calls or in general conversation. I appreciate each and every one of you. I just think sometimes it's good to know that everyone struggles. There are great times and not so great times in life... and in archery. If you haven't experienced them yet, you will. It's your job to figure out how to navigate the tough times. 
I'd like to congratulate a few people. Dave Ferguson never ceases to amaze me. He won the third leg, and this means he won two out of the three legs. This is a feat that is unbelievably hard to accomplish. He deserves these wins, and he works really hard like the rest of us. It's great to see my friends achieve things like this because I enjoy their success as much as they do. Congratulations, Dave. Great job.
Christine Bushey went into the weekend with a chance to come home a Triple Crown Champion. I've slept on that before, and that can lead to some restless nights in the month leading up to the last leg. However, there's no place I'd rather be. She withstood all challengers and wrapped up the championship. She's a fighter and good is never good enough... she strives to be Great! Incredible job, Christine. It's been a pleasure to watch you from afar.
Haylee Yamin found herself on the leaderboard in a pro class for the first time. That can also wear on your nerves at night. You know you're in the hunt, and. you have to hold on the next day. It shows you that you belong. I was excited to see Haylee give herself a chance going into the second day. She beat and hung tight to many of the best of the best. Great job, Haylee. Keep at it and you'll find the way to the top in no time.
Derek Eastman won what I believe is his first national event, taking down one of the best shooters, Blake Kitching, who has ever competed in the MBR division. Although the division doesn't have the high number or shooters that it used to, Kitching is still a tough guy to beat and has the hardware to prove it. Congratulations, Derek. Here's to much more success in the future.
Jake LaFontaine brought game with him to the bowhunter defense shoot-off and gave it a great run. He mowed down some really tough competition and found himself with a chance to win $1,000. He came up just short and took home a $500 check for second place. Congratulations, Jake. It was great to watch you perform.
And the guy I just can't help but mention is my buddy Zac Mull. This guy is one of the best shooters I've ever had the pleasure of shooting with or against. His shot is great. He's a mental warrior, and he comes to win. He's got game, and he can intimidate anyone who watches him shoot. Zac ran the table and won all three events of the Triple Crown, which led to him being crowned as the National Triple Crown Champion. Congratulations, Zac. Your shooting amazes me, and I love watching you beat up on other people. I'm always rooting for you, and hope you see continued success. I'm also thankful I don't have to shoot against you anymore. I'm not sure I have the ability to keep up with the pace you have set. ... it's phenomenal.
While I've missed many others, these were the ones that were in my mind when I was finishing this up. Congratulations to everyone else who laid it down. I hope those of you who had a weekend similar to mine will find a way to put it behind you and work toward your next event. On to
Cincinnati ... or maybe we should say the IBO World this time.
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